OK-The Two Most Powerful Letters....

   I am just filled with amazement when I look at my son and all he can do!  I know he is a gift and is a true Emmanuel (which is his name, after all)!  He is active, playful, loving and funny!  I only hope that everything that he has blessed me with, I can one day return to him.  I see my son and I am reminded how truly dependent we are on our Creator and I don't want to take a single moment for granted.  With all this, I know at any moment everything can be taken away.
          I remember after my son's anatomy ultrasound, I received some news from my doctor that absolutely terrified me.  We had just been filled with so much excitement.  This was a day we had dreamed about!  We saw our baby moving.  We discovered the baby inside of me was a boy.  I saw the curvature of his cheeks and his little hand bobbing back and forth from his mouth.  We counted his fingers!  We counted his toes.  They showed us everything we could ever imagine.  Then during our follow-up doctor's visit (just fifteen minutes or so after), we were told something that we were not shown.  I am almost feel guilty really sharing this, because I know so many of you have been through much worse.  You have all been so strong and have experienced so much miracles.  What I was told was nothing compared to what many of you super moms have experienced, but yet the news I was told is still bundled up inside of me somewhere.  When I remember it, I absolutely crumble inside.
     I still research this "news" she told me.  It is still a mystery to me.  I have recently learned that I was about 1 out of 100 moms who hear this.  I was actually just told my baby had cysts in his brain.  I was told he would be o.k.  and that they usually go away on their own.  Since everything else is healthy, these marks mean nothing.  However...they meant something to me!  Cysts! On his brain! On my baby's brain.  My helpless baby boy had something in his brain.  I couldn't do anything about it.  I thought I had done something wrong.  I hurt him somehow.  They were on his brain for goodness sakes.  How can that be o.k.  I knew nothing else.
     I later learned these cysts had a name.  They are called choroid plexus cysts. I was told not to google it, but I had to know.  I had never heard of this or anything like this.  I didn't read about this in my 'what to expect book'.  I did not expect this.  I feel like someone should tell you on your visit before your anatomy visit, this is something you might hear about.  That way, when you hear about, you know that you'd heard about it!  I was terrified.  I felt like all my fears were coming true.  Luckily, my google searches were positive.  I revisited my 'what to expect' book.  That to had a positive outcome.  I googled all of the ways this could be bad.  Everything seemed alright. It looked like if he had these and something else, I should worry.  This was all he had.  Now, today as I google it, I see new things, concerns mainly, popping up.  There were some articles, but are these moms who were told "not to worry, they go away," starting to realize they aren't alone?
     I still get scared.  I meant to ask my pediatrician if I should still be concerned, since I didn't get a level two ultra sound.  I didn't know that was an option.  I forgot to ask.  What if these cysts cause complications in the future.  Will my son be healthy and then all of a sudden get sick?  If he wobbles too much, does that mean there is a fluid imbalance....is his equilibrium off because there might be cysts still there?  These are all my fears.
     My son is healthy.  He is funny, smart and strong.  So these cysts had to be menial.  I don't know what else to write.  I'm sure in twenty years from now I will learn something completely new about these cysts.  I'm sure someone will confirm that they are linked to something terrible.  There will be more fears.  I guess this is mainly a fear-thing. So far everything has been ok.
     We went through this together.  I carried my baby while he had these little things in his brain.  My husband held me as I walked through fear.  My mom told me everything would be ok.  My cousin told me an anecdote that put me at peace during a lunch break where I had a little break down.  Everything was and is ok.  We held together!
    I learned that life is so fragile.  My baby is so fragile.  Even though these little things that are so harmless (hopefully still) could cause so much fear, my God could make everything ok.  Let me tell you, I absolutely value everything my son does.  He is my miracle from heaven.  Hopefully, our luck will continue.  Hopefully, I really won't have anything to fear.  Hopefully, and this is the biggest hopefully, one of you will read this and be familiarized or comforted so you aren't in shock or have the day you learn of your baby's gender shattered by something so unknown.  God is good and he uniquely makes every baby.