OK-The Two Most Powerful Letters....

   I am just filled with amazement when I look at my son and all he can do!  I know he is a gift and is a true Emmanuel (which is his name, after all)!  He is active, playful, loving and funny!  I only hope that everything that he has blessed me with, I can one day return to him.  I see my son and I am reminded how truly dependent we are on our Creator and I don't want to take a single moment for granted.  With all this, I know at any moment everything can be taken away.
          I remember after my son's anatomy ultrasound, I received some news from my doctor that absolutely terrified me.  We had just been filled with so much excitement.  This was a day we had dreamed about!  We saw our baby moving.  We discovered the baby inside of me was a boy.  I saw the curvature of his cheeks and his little hand bobbing back and forth from his mouth.  We counted his fingers!  We counted his toes.  They showed us everything we could ever imagine.  Then during our follow-up doctor's visit (just fifteen minutes or so after), we were told something that we were not shown.  I am almost feel guilty really sharing this, because I know so many of you have been through much worse.  You have all been so strong and have experienced so much miracles.  What I was told was nothing compared to what many of you super moms have experienced, but yet the news I was told is still bundled up inside of me somewhere.  When I remember it, I absolutely crumble inside.
     I still research this "news" she told me.  It is still a mystery to me.  I have recently learned that I was about 1 out of 100 moms who hear this.  I was actually just told my baby had cysts in his brain.  I was told he would be o.k.  and that they usually go away on their own.  Since everything else is healthy, these marks mean nothing.  However...they meant something to me!  Cysts! On his brain! On my baby's brain.  My helpless baby boy had something in his brain.  I couldn't do anything about it.  I thought I had done something wrong.  I hurt him somehow.  They were on his brain for goodness sakes.  How can that be o.k.  I knew nothing else.
     I later learned these cysts had a name.  They are called choroid plexus cysts. I was told not to google it, but I had to know.  I had never heard of this or anything like this.  I didn't read about this in my 'what to expect book'.  I did not expect this.  I feel like someone should tell you on your visit before your anatomy visit, this is something you might hear about.  That way, when you hear about, you know that you'd heard about it!  I was terrified.  I felt like all my fears were coming true.  Luckily, my google searches were positive.  I revisited my 'what to expect' book.  That to had a positive outcome.  I googled all of the ways this could be bad.  Everything seemed alright. It looked like if he had these and something else, I should worry.  This was all he had.  Now, today as I google it, I see new things, concerns mainly, popping up.  There were some articles, but are these moms who were told "not to worry, they go away," starting to realize they aren't alone?
     I still get scared.  I meant to ask my pediatrician if I should still be concerned, since I didn't get a level two ultra sound.  I didn't know that was an option.  I forgot to ask.  What if these cysts cause complications in the future.  Will my son be healthy and then all of a sudden get sick?  If he wobbles too much, does that mean there is a fluid imbalance....is his equilibrium off because there might be cysts still there?  These are all my fears.
     My son is healthy.  He is funny, smart and strong.  So these cysts had to be menial.  I don't know what else to write.  I'm sure in twenty years from now I will learn something completely new about these cysts.  I'm sure someone will confirm that they are linked to something terrible.  There will be more fears.  I guess this is mainly a fear-thing. So far everything has been ok.
     We went through this together.  I carried my baby while he had these little things in his brain.  My husband held me as I walked through fear.  My mom told me everything would be ok.  My cousin told me an anecdote that put me at peace during a lunch break where I had a little break down.  Everything was and is ok.  We held together!
    I learned that life is so fragile.  My baby is so fragile.  Even though these little things that are so harmless (hopefully still) could cause so much fear, my God could make everything ok.  Let me tell you, I absolutely value everything my son does.  He is my miracle from heaven.  Hopefully, our luck will continue.  Hopefully, I really won't have anything to fear.  Hopefully, and this is the biggest hopefully, one of you will read this and be familiarized or comforted so you aren't in shock or have the day you learn of your baby's gender shattered by something so unknown.  God is good and he uniquely makes every baby. 

Moments That Speak

There are several instances of life that I find it difficult to measure success.  Do I base how well something went on aesthetics, compliments, or numbers of recipients?  This is especially difficult when you're trying to spread the love of Christ.  However, the most beautiful occurrence is when God just makes everything stop and truly reveals Himself to you.  I am fortunate enough to say that I witnessed such a moment along with some other members of my church tonight at our first ever Trunk R' Treat.

This was the first one, so I wasn't sure how much people would be interested to attend or to help.  All I could do was put my trust in scripture.  It was particularly Matthew 10:42 that really solidified God's plan for this event.  This scripture says, "...And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.”  For this event we replaced "cup of cold water" with candy to really put it into perspective.  How powerful is it to realize that we were not just giving candy to adolescents, but to disciples of Jesus Christ!  

As we went through the motions to set up, particularly setting up our rain shelter, the clouds parted to open the sky up and reveal the sun.  We haven't seen sunshine in over two days and, in a sea of clouds, the sun appeared.  It didn't appear through the clouds or we didn't see a little brightness in part of the sky.  We saw the sun.  There was even a rainbow on the other side of the sky.  We were overtaken by the beauty!  Did I mention there was no rain during the entire Trunk R' Treat?  It was as if God said to us, "O.K. I think its great that you are building this shelter from the rain.  Go ahead build it, but you are not going to need it.  I will bless your prayers.  I will be with you as you love on my children!"

  

If monkeys were monsters that are actually babies!

So the lil' man is asleep and I am regaining all feelings of peace that do not involve following a 1 year-old around all day. Now, in silence, I reflect on my bundle of joy:

This morning he awoke and we moved to the living room for our mommy-baby cuddle time. When I was least expecting it, Manny reached over and tickled my foot! This act also tickled my heart with joy! He never misses an opportunity to live out the monkey that he is. 

I love seeing his personality unveil itself to us! To just think, this is only the beginning!

Living for Goals: big and small!

Looking at my fourteen month-old son son, I can't help but smile! He IS my pride and joy in life. I hope and aspire to be by his side during every accomplishment in life, and, cheering him along the whole way. I also want to set him up for greatness in everything he does. So, since before he was born, I started setting goals for him, and goals for where I would fit in as his mother.Now you might be asking  yourself, 'what goals do you set for an infant?' I believe you must be intentional in everything you do. With a baby so young, it's my job to guide him through this new world. Honestly, I must share with you, it is my greatest joy in life to see my little man repeat something back to me that I taught him.

Some of my goals include language (primarily English, because that's our family's first language ), athleticism, music, faith, a pure enjoyment for life, and many more. These aren't in any particular order.

Life is full of ups and downs. You never know what is going to be thrown at you. I want my son to know that you don't have to always be happy, nor do you have to be content, but you can find joy in every circumstance. You can smile, dance, and laugh even in unfavorable circumstances! I can write more and more, but this is a blog not 'War and Peace'. I am here to leave a legacy. My living God has blessed me in ways that can not be counted.  I want to pass this to my son. I have seen the sun set in various places from coast to coast in this country, and a few more. I have seen the purest of love and the most vicious hatred. I have stood in the midst of the beauty of the earth: underground in mammoth cave, on the edge of the grand canyon, on a kayak in halong bay with one of my best friends in my life, and at the alter of God marrying the love of my life.  These are just the highlights! I will intentionally walk through life, as an adventure, with my little boy!

Counting Down!

     There comes a moment where you just gotta say, "It's Time!"  Now is the time.  What is it time for?  Well, I've decided it is time for me to fit into my pre-baby clothes again.
     Now, I love being a mom and I've loved my baby since I first got word that I was pregnant.  In fact, I think my body loved be pregnant...a little too much in fact.  You see, everyone told me that by nursing I'd drop the weight so quickly.  They forgot to tell me that by nursing my body would retain a boat-load of water and I would ultimately be hungry and drained of all energy.  Did I mention my baby has been on a growth spurt since birth? Yes.  Since day 1!
    Luckily, the time comes where a baby is weaned and your body chemistry jumps back to its old self.  I'll explain more to you in person.   About a month ago, my body gave me the hint that it would not work against me any more when it came to trying to fit into my old clothes.  That day became my journey to "get my skinny on!"
     I am only about a mile or two on the road to that journey, but every pound is progress.  I want to say thank-you to everyone who has been kind to me at every pound that has stood on a scale.  I am so grateful for the love you have shown when I was thinner and when I had my baby inside of me, and also when I had my baby outside of me, but still carried the weight of my baby.  There have been days when I was worried to face the world, because I was afraid of what they saw.  I was afraid of being judged.  My clothes weren't as nice as they used to be, because I didn't fit into them anymore.  (I don't want to invest a lot into clothes until I can fit into my old ones again.)
     It's hard also, because my whole life I've been told not to gain any more weight.  I've been told my face is round, so I must watch my hairstyle.  No matter how skinny I have ever been, I have always been told something negative about my weight.  I guess at my thinnest it was, 'Now you are a perfect weight, stay this way.'  I obviously knew to ignore all of those words, because my friends loved me and people of the opposite sex showed interest in me.  Most importantly, the love of my life pursued me.  Of course, that was pre-baby weight, but I still had my curves.  He loved me for me and he made me know that.  He shut up that person who cast the shadow of negativity on me.  Because of that love, we got married!
     Well, because of that love, we had our precious baby boy, and, because of that love, I'm being encouraged to be the person I want to be.  Did I say it's about time?
     So I am fighting and not giving up.  I am counting my calories and I am running/swimming my way towards my goal.  I'm not doing this to please others.  Is it bad if I am doing it to fit into my clothes again?  I am ya' know.
     I'm also not doing this alone.  As of today, I am one of ten people I know who are doing this together.

Marriage Seminar (video style)

Tonight, hubsy and I went to a marriage video seminar.  Good concepts.  However, the speaker (who was very good) sounded so much like Gilbert Godfried (pardon my spelling).  He approached his marriage therapy as comedian poking fun at what makes a man a man and a woman a woman.  The approach was very effective.  I just wish his voice didn't have the pins and needle effect on my brain.

Hubsy and I very much enjoyed the time together.  Often, when there was something we both saw that reflected our marriage, we looked at each other and smiled.  A good marriage really does have to have humor to it.  Each side is so different and our brains are wired so differently. 

Now, one of my favorite things about being a wife (this I will have to also copy to my magnanimous mole blog), is figuring out how to skillfully make use of my husband's manliness.  It might be for my personal gain, his personal gain, or for the betterment of our family.  Marriage is just too much fun to sweat the small stuff!

On days that I do get caught up on some trivial issue, he doesn't always go down with me.  Sometimes...it's just have a thick skin that does get us through those silly disagreements.  Survival is really based upon finding humor like in the video seminars.

It also helps to have commitment.  Our marriage is based on our Faith in God and we never forget that we chose to say I Do.  We weren't pressured to get married and, due to our whirl-wind romance, we had a few people (my mom) really question us.  We were HEADSTRONG! 

...

Also, some people speak about how tough it is once you have a baby.  Not the case for us.  We love our baby who loves bananas!!!!!!  He always gives us something new to talk about and we have something new who requires our teamwork.

THAT'S IT!

Hubsy's and my key to happiness: there are days when our whole world just goes to shambles and we just know we are o.k. because we are together.  We are over a thousand miles away from familiarity, but we have each other, a bubbly baby who likes bananas, and a God who loves us and you more than we could ever imagine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This First american daughter's first post!

So I started this blog a couple years ago and I believe this is my First post.  This being said, I am writing to you over a thousand miles away from where I started this blog.  Hubster and I got married a few months short of three years ago, graduated from music school, moved to the edge of the country (and not the edge where either of our families lived), embarked upon a new life together, and had a little quapa baby boy.

Life looks so different now, but it is more exciting and adventurous than ever.  I am not exactly sure of what I will share with this blog.  So far I haven't kept up with my prior blogs.  I might share some humorous stories of the little boy who loves bananas, our new adventures in life, or maybe some exciting news here and there.  I'm not sure who will read this, but if you find yourself stumbling upon this page I hope you can gain some sort of new insight.

Now I must also explain the title of this page: The First American Daughter.  I am my mother's first American daughter.  I am not her first American child, because I have an older brother.  There are a lot of implications to this title and I am not sure that I can include all of them in one post.

Now, being a mother, I am just grateful for this title.  I am grateful of all that my mom has given me by sacrificing so much to be in this free world.  I love being a mom.  I love sharing my faith with my son, spoiling him just the right amount (and teaching him sacrifice as well), and working hard to take care of him!!!!!